Un-Motivated

I just can't shake this feeling of un-motivation. I have so much work to do for school, yet I keep piddling around on the internet and other places instead of doing my VERY IMPORTANT homework! What is wrong with me lately?

I think most of my time is spent daydreaming (and praying to God!) about August, when I quit my job and start going to school full time. I'm hoping to be finished in a year. We're going to start trying to have another baby in January. If it were up to Tim, I'd be pregnant now! But, I really want to have this baby all to myself, and not dependent on someone to watch him or her while I am either at school or at work. Most importantly I'm praying that this is what God wants for me, to stay home a few years, or as long as I want, to be a mom and a wife. I pray that he allows me to, that we really are financially able for this, as it appears now that we are.

Ainsley is growing up so fast! She'll be five in August--five months away! She is as beautiful and cute as ever! She is a good blend of both Timothy and I, from her looks to her personality!

Well, now that I've gotten this out of my system, maybe I can get my homework done while Ainsley is still (THANKFULLY) sleeping!

Planning Associates

Even though I have not worked there in four years, I often reflect the almost five years I spent working for Planning Associates of Louisiana/Mass Mutual in New Orleans. I have worked a few places since, and still am unable to compare the connections that I made with people at my first long-time job, which took up my early twenties. I often reflect on the people that I knew there, and how there is this family-like connection still lingering, still missing them. None of them are there now--perhaps that is the reason old feelings linger, as if to haunt me from a life that was almost secret to the one I have now.

I stay in touch with a few of the women, who are the majority of what I consider "family" from there. We don't talk much--everyone is so busy. Debbie, my old boss, just had her second baby. Lynn, probably my most cherished (almost a tie with Isabel), I look forward to seeing soon at her daughter's wedding. And Isabel, whom I became closest with after Debbie and Lynn's departure, I miss so much and almost wish we were still working together in the "huddle room." I sometimes wish we were all still working there. When I think of that place, it reminds me of the titanic; a bustling entity of life and productivity almost shut out from the rest of the world .... now sunk to the bottom of an almost endless ocean, empty, dead, with only echoes of what used to be. I visualize what the place looks like now ... all new people .... all new personalities. I'm tempted to visit there, just to see reality.