Our Time Apart

I wonder if one day you'll look back and wonder how I felt about our time apart.

Did she not care?
Did she care more about money or her career?
Did she love me at all? As much as I love her?
Did she enjoy the time apart?
Were other things more important?

Not for one second did I ever enjoy the time apart more than my time with you. For years I dreamed of having a child, a daughter, and the special relationship that would exist. I fantasized about what our days would be like, how much she would depend on me and like me--even more than she loved me. I had to force myself to wait until the right time to have you, because I knew how everything would effect you.

Feeling you move in my belly I imagined what you would look like, and I pictured mine and your dad's face and wondered which face would match the most. I knew you would be beautiful, but you turned out more beautiful that I ever imagined.

When you were born my life changed forever. I loved you immediately, more than I've ever loved anything else. I have always put your first in front of everything.

Life happens and it turns out different than our fantasies have created them to be. My life hasn't been what I always imagined it would. The time that we have together is a lot less than I thought it would be. I have to work to pay our bills, so I can't be home with you as much as I want to. You are always on my mind when I'm not with you, and I wonder if you miss me too, or if you realize how much I love you even when I'm not there to tell you. I look at your life sometimes as a by standard witnessing things happening and not being a part of them. The pain in my heart tugs at both ends, because I know how much I want to be there but can't.

Anyway, I just hope that one day you will realize how I truly feel inside and how I wish that we could have more time together.